Is Now A Good Time To Call?

Like most of you, I have a calendar on my refrigerator to help my family keep track of the millions of tiny details that comprise our daily lives.  I constantly remind  my husband and kids, "If it's not on the calendar, it doesn't exist!  Write it down!!"  Every evening, I take a look, figure out how to be in at least two or three different places at once, take my red Sharpie pen and put a big "X" through the day that has just ended.  These days, those "X's" are filling up way too quickly.

About a month ago the high school sent us a packet of materials to keep us posted on what will be happening for our seniors as their high school careers wind down.  Each week there are several meetings, programs, outings and events that my son takes part in...some of them are educational, but most of them of simply lots of fun.

Sprinkled in there are a series of meetings "For Senior Parents Only" and last night, I attended the very first one.  A panel of two Wantagh parents who 'lived to tell' about their own children's transition to college, along with two 'real-live' Wantagh graduates who had just completed their first year as college freshmen, sat at the front of the cafeteria, looking out at all of our "deer-in-headlights," nervous faces, attempting to give us the 'inside scoop' about what we can expect as our kids transition off to college.

Most of it was common sense:  Expect teary good-byes.  Some kids get home-sick, others don't.  Make sure you set up a bank account with an ATM card at a local bank. Don't buy stuff before your kid works out who will bring what with their roommates.  Yadda. Yadda. Yadda.  Good, sensible advice.

Problem is I'm not feeling good and sensible these days.  I'm feeling raw and emotional.  I'm hearing with my heart and not my ears.  So what resonated with me most was the section of the evening entitled, "Keeping in touch with your kids.  How much is too much?"

Too much?  It's possible to keep in "too much" touch with my son?

The "experienced dad" on the panel said, "You can expect to talk to your child once a week...usually at an agreed-upon time, like Sunday nights.  And I always text my son first to ask if now is a good time to call."

The college freshman on the panel added,"Sometimes I'm too busy to talk. In the last month of the semester I told my mom that I wouldn't be able to talk for like three weeks because I was so busy with school and activities and stuff."

Huh?  I was just starting to wrap my head around the fact Matt will be heading away to school.  I had visions of starting each day by sending him a "Good morning kiddo!  Love you!" text, after which he'd send me loads of quick snippet updates throughout his day.  I figured we'd call each other at the end of the day just to 'touch base' so I could hear his voice and know that he was okay.

"You don't want to be intrusive," said the dad on the panel.

And it hit me.  He wasn't just moving out of the house and into the dorms.  Matt was moving on to the next phase of his life.  A phase where he will hone his independence, learn to rely on his own instincts and decisions, and figure things out without always having to run them by me first.  There will be times when he will stumble...and even fall...and I won't be physically there to help him dust off his knees and get him back on his feet.  I'll have to wait until he asks for my opinion.  I'll have to hope that he chooses to share the excitement and the occasional heartache.  I'll have to trust that the foundation of love and trust that we've built together will be strong enough to sustain our evolving relationship as he enters this new adventure.  And that he'll want to include me along the way.

Yeah.  That's what I'll have to do.  Yeah.  Sounds easy enough.  Sure.

Hold on a sec...I'm getting a text...it's from Matt.  "I'll b late 2nite.  Goin out w/gang. C U l8tr.  Luv u."

Yeah.  I think we're going to be just fine.