Macklemore And Internal War

Last Wednesday, my girlfriend and I saw Macklemore and Ryan Lewis at the Madison Square Garden Theater. My mom bought us the tickets for my birthday, back in July. I find Macklemore to be one of today’s most inspiring artists so I had really been looking forward to the show. It’s weird. I haven’t been listening to Macklemore for that long. And to be honest, I don’t own any of his albums and I only know a handful of his songs. Mostly, I’ve heard his hits such as Thrift Shop, Same Love, and Can’t Hold Us.  But still, even knowing only a few of his songs, I feel connected to him and his music. Macklemore isn’t just a rapper, he’s a messenger. He is a proponent for Equality, Peace, Love, and Acceptance. In my eyes, that practically makes us brothers. Any person who is willing to stand to the world as a symbol of those messages is a good person in my book. Plus, during the show, he confessed that he is also someone who has struggled with drug addiction and now prides himself on being an example of a sobriety success story for others to follow.

Perhaps I was a little bit too excited to go see Macklemore. My day began smoothly, but quickly hit speed bumps. The plan was for my girlfriend and I to meet at Penn Station. She was taking a bus from Albany and I was taking the Long Island Railroad. My intention was to get there before her because we both felt as though it would be safer for me to be waiting alone than it would be for her, despite the fact that it probably wouldn’t have been a problem either way. I gave myself about three hours to wake up and get ready for the show. Within the first half hour, I was pretty much ready. “Wow,” I thought to myself, “With all this free time, I should run some errands.” Bad idea. I overestimated my extra time and despite being ready hours before the train, I found myself rushing out the door with not a second to spare. When I arrived at the train station, I was ecstatic. There was no traffic and I had time to spare. Unfortunately, the parking lot didn’t have a free spot to spare. It crushed my heart to watch the train go by, just sitting there in my car, wishing I had found somewhere to put it.

“Great,” I thought to myself as I noticed an open space. “Now I find one. I guess I’ll just sit here till the next train comes.” But as I sat there, a thought occurred to me, “I don’t have the tickets!” I rushed back to the house, grabbed the tickets, rushed back to the train station, and was lucky enough to find the same spot open. It was okay. I still had plenty of time to get my ticket and get to the platform. “Missing that first train must have been a blessing in disguise,” I thought to myself, “let me text my girlfriend and explain what happened.” As I was texting her, I noticed the train approaching. “Perfect.” Finishing the text, I looked up, ready to board the train. But the doors would not open. A conductor leaned his head out and asked “You trying to get on?” “Yes,” I said, but the doors won’t open.” He replied with a forward motioning wave. “Oh no,” I realized “I’m in front of one of the last few cars and it must not be opening.” Instantly, I began running forward but it was too late, the train had already set itself in to motion and in seconds, it was gone.

“Am I having good luck or bad luck?” I wondered. But you never know in these situations. I choose not to believe in bad luck. I believe that obstacles and difficulties in our life are not random misfortunes but rather divine opportunities for growth and expansion. Or at least I should say, that’s what I believe most of the time. And it’s certainly what I believe in a moment of calm reflection. But in all that high paced, heart pounding rushing, I had lost my center a bit. I became rather discouraged. I felt horrible that I was leaving my girlfriend waiting because I had made two irresponsible mistakes. And I felt even worse because she was leaving at the crack of dawn the next morning so this was just time we couldn’t spend together. It was my fault and the best thing I could have done was drop it. I knew that. But still, I felt a lingering feeling of sadness. When I finally arrived at Penn Station, I could tell that my girlfriend felt sad as well. We acknowledged that there was nothing we could do about the lost time and that we should just enjoy the rest of the night.

Despite logically and consciously accepting this truth, a part of me was still angry at myself for missing those two trains. Dinner was delicious. The food was phenomenal actually. We ate at a restaurant called Citrus Bar and Grill. We had a good time too. But still, I wasn’t myself. I felt frustrated that my emotions would not submit to my logic. I said I was letting it go. I didn’t want to feel angry. I didn’t want to feel frustrated. And yet I did. It wasn’t till we took our seats at the show that I was finally able to relax. My logic may not have been powerful enough to sway my emotions, but the positive vibes of the crowd seemed to be the medicine I needed. Once their cheers had melted away my anxieties and fears, it was smooth sailing for the rest of the night.

Macklemore’s performance was mind-blowing. Primarily, Macklemore is a hip-hop artist. On stage, he transcends that label. His performance was a compilation of comedy, story telling, poetry, freestyle, spoken word, philosophy, confession, and motivational speaking. Words cannot do him justice. He is a performer that you simply must go see to understand the experience. However, I can say this - the most inspiring part of the show was when he described the process of his transformation from emerging artist to struggling drug addict to top chart celebrity.

As a child, he had always wanted to be on stage, always wanted to be a rapper.  He had always pursued those passions and even released an album in 2005. But he could not balance his art with substance abuse, forcing his career to decline as he sought help. In 2008, he emerged from rehab clean of his addiction, yet with shallow pockets, forcing him to move back home into his parents’ home. With drugs and addiction no longer standing as an obstacle, he was able to develop the entirety of his focus and passion into his art and creation. He didn’t care about trying to be famous or sounding like any of the other rappers he had heard. With nothing but a dream and a message, he embarked upon a mission to express it. In just 5 years, he progressed from writing rhymes in his parents’ basement to performing live at the Madison Square Garden Theater.

As someone who has not only dealt with substance abuse, but is also living in his mom’s house hoping to one day achieve his dream of becoming a famous writer, I cannot help but to feel as though Macklemore’s story spoke directly to my soul. I thought, “If he can do it, I can do it.” For the rest of the night, I was filled with warmth and happiness. After being dazzled by his performance, my girlfriend and I returned home, had a nice relaxing night together. The frustration was gone. The negativity had been overcome. That morning, I woke up for a few seconds to say goodbye to my girlfriend, went back to sleep, and the experience ended on a beautiful note.  Then the next day, when I was returning home from an errand, I realized that I had parked my car somewhat crookedly. It was barely off. It would have been okay if I didn’t fix it. But it bothered me. I was frustrated that I had made mistake. So I got back into my car to straighten myself out. In doing so, I ended up hitting the curb. That’s when it finally hit me.

“Wow,” I thought to myself, “Life is teaching me a lesson. What happened with the car is the same as what happened with the trains. I put so much pressure on achieving perfection that it actually causes me to make mistakes. The reason I couldn’t let go of my negative feelings is because I couldn’t accept that the day wasn’t perfect. I couldn’t accept that I wasn’t perfect. I was looking forward to it for so long and created such a heavy expectation of perfection, that I made it impossible for myself to meet it. But I get it now. It’s not just about letting the frustration go once I make a mistake, it’s about not getting frustrated in the first place. It’s about not putting so much pressure on myself. It’s about removing the personal penalty I place on soul for making mistakes. Because if I don’t, I will end up running directly head first into exactly what I am trying to avoid. Every single time. Whether it’s missing a train or parking a car or something else entirely - it’s the same. I get it.”

This week, let’s meditate on adjusting our expectations to meet reality. It can happen to any of us in any situation. Maybe on the day of a presentation, an interview, a meeting, a date, a family occasion, a holiday, a birthday, or whatever. We put more pressure on ourselves than we do on any other normal day. And it doesn’t help. It just makes us anxious, and adding anxiety to any equation will not help us to find the solution. Of course some days will carry more significance than others but there is not all that much we can do about it. If you want to be constructive, then make a list of everything you need to get done for that day and cross off tasks as you go along. But realize that there is a certain point at which you can do no more and when you reach it, you need not fill that space with anxiety, but rather with the confidence and poise of a person who has done all one can to prepare for the challenges of life.

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