Trayvon, Zimmerman, And Empathy. Oh My!

A few weeks ago, while I was at Jones Beach, I found myself in an interesting conversation with my cousin’s friend. While we were checking out people’s tattoos, she commented that she was thinking about getting a tattoo of the empathy symbol. I had never heard of it. But she explained to me that there is a symbol, almost similar to a yin-yang symbol, which represents, “the capacity to think and feel oneself into the inner life of another person (Heinz Kohut).” In other words, the symbol is a reminder to make an effort to understand the world from another person’s perspective, in order to bring about a more peaceful society through more communicative and connective interaction.

I love this concept. I’ve never really wanted a tattoo and I don’t think I will be getting one any time soon, but I’ll admit I thought about it when I started learning about this symbol. However, getting the tattoo is not as important as understanding, practicing, and living the concept.

This world lacks empathy. Despite (or perhaps because of) all the social media, cell phones, text messaging, video messaging, e-mails, blogs, etc. that make it easy and convenient for people to communicate with one another, people are still feeling disconnected. We live in a country where, “Antidepressant prescribing has risen nearly 400% since 1988, according to data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). More than 1 in 10 Americans over age 12 now takes an antidepressant, the study finds, and yet two-thirds of those with severe symptoms of depression do not take antidepressants at all (TIME).” This overwhelming surge in depression, both treated and untreated, is a clear sign of the mass personal and interpersonal disconnection within our society.

Think about it. It feels good to be understood. People would be less depressed in a more empathetic world. Would it be as easy to feel sad if everyone around you understood exactly what you were going through and where you were coming from, and you understood the same about them?  Of course it wouldn’t. In an empathetic world, conflict would be significantly reduced. We find ourselves in conflict when we cannot resolve the distance between our own thoughts and beliefs and those of another person. Empathy is making the decision to find a common ground between you and the people with whom you interact. It is the commitment to understanding one another, even if it requires maintaining a calm tone while repeatedly asking the questions, “How come you believe that? When did you realize that? What was it that led you to that decision?”

With this in mind, let’s take another look at the Trayvon Martin case. What happened? Two people were afraid of one another. In my opinion, that is a fact. Whether or not you think Zimmerman was racist, it seems obvious that he was scared of Trayvon. And whether or not you think Trayvon was suspicious or innocent, it seems obvious that he was scared of Zimmerman. Neither of these two men were assassins. Neither was sent there to kill the other. What happened was not premeditated; it was the product of two men’s reactions to fear.

We fear what we do not understand. These two men could not understand one another. What good does it do to say that one is wrong and one is right? I understand that a jury was burdened with that decision and was forced to make one. But they did. It is not our burden to make that decision. Our focus should not be on who can scream the loudest that he or she is right, which seems to be what’s happening right now. There are two sides of an argument shouting back and forth at each other. Our focus should be on how to connect those two disparate sides. Our focus should be on figuring out how to bridge the distance in perspective between these groups, to find a common ground for both sides to stand upon.

The problem is not with the laws that we have; it is with the way that people feel about each other. We are ignoring the mental health of this country. Since I was younger, I have been going to my physician for regular physical check-ups. I think we all have. But there is no one that we must go to for regular mental health check-ups. A solution-oriented reaction that could benefit both sides of this argument is a reformative push for prioritizing mental health in the same way that we prioritize physical health. With the recent spree of school shootings, it should be a no-brainer that mental health is the pink elephant in the room. It is an overlooked and under funded issue.

We should not only have psychological check-ups, but we should teach our children about psychology in school. Psychology needs to be just as much a staple of education as Math, Science, English, and History.  Imagine if Trayvon and Zimmerman had both been required to take empathy classes in high school. Imagine that in that class, as a lesson in empathy, they were both required to act out both sides of the situation as an educational role-play. Imagine that after each person acted both sides, the teacher guided a discussion between both students about how it felt to be on either side of the situation. A class where every student acts out two opposing sides of various conflictual situations could significantly reduce death and violence in these types of situations. That is not to say it would guarantee elimination of negative outcomes, but it could significantly reduce them.

It may sound idealistic. It is. It may sound unrealistic. It is not. If we start teaching our children about empathy now, we will eventually reach a level of societal understanding for one another. It may take a few generations before everyone is on the same page, but it will happen.

This week, let’s meditate on empathy. Think about the people around you. Try to feel what they are feeling. Imagine that you were born in their circumstances. Imagine that you are another nationality. Imagine that you live in another country. Imagine that you are rich. Imagine that you are poor. Imagine that you are healthy. Imagine that you are diseased. Imagine that you are ugly. Imagine that you are beautiful. Open your mind and start connecting to other people. Learn to see the world from a greater perspective. Empathy is the next stage of our evolution. If we are to continue to evolve as a species, then we must resolve the conflicts within our own species, our own society, our own neighborhoods, our own homes. So let us take a step forward, and let us learn to be empathetic.